Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
