He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
