i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
