He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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