Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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