Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
