she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
