I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
