I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
