i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
