i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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