Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
