Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
