So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
