I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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