direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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