Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
