this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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