so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
third nipple confirmed
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
