Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
