i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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