I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Your cock deserves a montage
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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