The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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