At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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