I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
