she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
