The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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