im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
