My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
