why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
