onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
whose ass print is on the piano?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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