Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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