I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
