i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i drank out of a bidet.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
