new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
