I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
