omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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