READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
