I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
