do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
