I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
