I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
