Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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