I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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