so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
