no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
