Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
