so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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