He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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