she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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