In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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